logging into LinkedIn and commenting "so did you get a raise or just more work" under every promotion announcement.
I'd rather lick every button in a hospital elevator than share a "fun fact" about myself in a team meeting.
Nothing pisses me off more than when I'm in the middle of telling my coworker something extremely important and my manager interrupts us with some stupid shit about our actual jobs.
Being an introverted yapper is hard because... yeah no, I don't want to talk to people, but if you unlock the premium subscription, hoo boy. You will realize I have a PhD in Yappology and you are about to hear my dissertation.
I be thinking I'm a yapper until I get around people who really cannot shut up. Then I realize quick, they got me beat.
HR told me I need to stop distracting my coworkers. First of all, they came to MY desk. Second, I have witnesses. Third, since we're all here, let me tell you what happened yesterday.
I don't gossip at work. I provide important updates regarding organizational developments, interpersonal conflicts, and suspicious behavior.
My manager said I talk too much at work.
But I've completed all my assignments, made three enemies, uncovered two workplace scandals, and found out why Jessica's husband moved out. It's called multitasking.
I got an "I emailed you 3 days ago" message this morning.
Friday afternoon at 4:47 this person emailed me. They followed up at
8:15 this morning.
28 minutes. They emailed me 28 working minutes ago. Bye.
You ever look back at an old job and realize you didn’t just have a toxic work environment, you had a whole
lawsuit and didn’t even know it? 💀
I should’ve been contacting an attorney instead of updating my résumé.
“I changed all the formulas in your spreadsheet to manually typed numbers because I didn’t understand them. Fuck you.”
-Your coworker
“You finished your work early because you’re good at Excel. We’ve signed you up to teach everyone else how to use it. During your lunch break. Fuck you.”
-Management
“We’ve spent $2 million on new reporting software. It doesn’t work, so we’ll need you to recreate everything in Excel. Fuck you.”
-Corporate
“Your computer needs to restart to install updates. You have 37 Excel files open and haven’t saved any of them. Fuck you.”
-IT
“Here’s 14 years of financial data in a PDF. Can you put it into Excel before lunch? Fuck you.”
-Your manager