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⚠️ A STUNTMAN ASKED FOR $6,000 A DAY. TESLA OPTIMUS DID IT IN 14 SECONDS FOR FREE
The studio couldn’t find anyone for one scene: a fight with a burning sword, eight takes, at night, no safety cable.
A stuntman they finally found asked for $6,000 a day plus separate burn insurance. The producer agreed and asked for just one test shoot in the parking lot next to the stage.
At 2 a.m. the stuntman was still warming up when someone from the crew brought Optimus over «just to see».
Lighting the blade, the robot dropped to one knee and ran the whole choreography on the first try. No warmup, no break, not a single burn.
Next day the stuntman got a call thanking him for his time, and now the producer is counting how many scenes in the script can be rewritten for metal.
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TESLA OPTIMUS FIRED ONE ARROW IN NEVADA, AND 15 SECONDS LATER THREE FIRE TRUCKS ROLLED ONTO THE RANGE
An archery range owner outside Reno let a guy bring his robot in for an hour at $80, because he promised Optimus would "just shoot some paper".
For the first few minutes the robot stood dead still and aimed so long that people started joking it was calculating the wind to three decimals.
It missed the target. The arrow flew 70 meters past it and hit a propane tank that a worker had left behind the berm that morning.
You could see the blast from the highway. The robot didn't even flinch, it just lowered the bow like that was exactly what it was aiming at.
Now there's a new sign on the range gate, and the owner swears it never needed to hang there before this week.
Does anyone still believe it missed?
TESLA OPTIMUS FIRED ONE ARROW IN NEVADA, AND 15 SECONDS LATER THREE FIRE TRUCKS ROLLED ONTO THE RANGE
An archery range owner outside Reno let a guy bring his robot in for an hour at $80, because he promised Optimus would "just shoot some paper".
For the first few minutes the robot stood dead still and aimed so long that people started joking it was calculating the wind to three decimals.
It missed the target. The arrow flew 70 meters past it and hit a propane tank that a worker had left behind the berm that morning.
You could see the blast from the highway. The robot didn't even flinch, it just lowered the bow like that was exactly what it was aiming at.
Now there's a new sign on the range gate, and the owner swears it never needed to hang there before this week.
Does anyone still believe it missed?
Shredder retweeted
A ROBOT WON A STATE ESPORTS QUALIFIER WHILE ITS OWNER WAS ASLEEP IN THE BACK SEAT
A guy from Houston signed up for a qualifier, then found out the night before that he had to drive to his sister's wedding in San Antonio in the morning, so instead of dropping out he sat Optimus in the truck bed, hooked up two PCs and Starlink and told it to play under his name.
While the truck rolled down the highway, the robot won six rounds in a row, and opponents in the chat started joking that this player never blinks and never stops even for a sip of water.
The real scandal started when organizers asked every finalist to turn on a camera, and instead of a sleepy guy the screen showed a humanoid calmly holding a mouse in the middle of a Texas highway.
The prize money is frozen for now, and the owner says he made it to the wedding on time and had no idea he was a champion until his sister showed him the video.
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WATCH WHERE THE GUN ACTUALLY COMES FROM IN THIS CLIP. IT IS NOT THE HAND. IT IS NOT A HOLSTER.
It comes from the body.
The label says rapid weapon draw, but there is no draw. The gun is bolted to the chest, wired into the frame, part of the machine. It comes up and fires the instant the cyborg decides to, because there was never anything to reach for.
That is the thing worth stopping on.
A soldier has always been two things: a person, and the weapon that person holds. Everything we built around war lives in the gap between them. You can disarm the man. He can drop it, surrender it, run dry. You can tell him apart from the gun.
This machine erases the gap. It does not hold a weapon. It is one. Nothing to take, nothing to drop, no man to separate from the rifle.
And a weapon that is also the body cannot be disarmed. Only destroyed, or left loaded. There is no in-between.
For the record: this is AI, stitched from clips the author says did not work. The direction is real. Military robotics is moving toward weapons grown into the machine instead of handed to it, because the gun you carry can be taken, and the gun you are cannot.
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12 MONITORS, STARLINK AND OPTIMUS ON THE CONTROLS IN THE MIDDLE OF A TEXAS HIGHWAY
A guy from Austin told his friends his robot would win a $25,000 online tournament during the 4 hour drive to Dallas. Everyone laughed at him.
He bolted a chair, two PCs and 12 screens into the truck bed, sat Optimus down and hit the highway. Internet came from a Starlink dish on the roof.
Three hours in, the robot made the final. Opponents were typing in chat that they were playing against a bot, and yes, they were right.
Organizers are now deciding whether a machine can take the prize. The owner tagged Elon under the video and is waiting for a reply, because the only person who can settle this sells both the robot and the satellite internet.
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HOLY S*IT, THIS S*XY GIRL ACTUALLY LET A ROBOT SPOT HER ON SQUATS
Dude’s standing right behind her like a real spotter.
Doesn’t move, doesn’t look away, just holds the position while she goes deep.
The whole gym is already losing it.
People filming, people just standing there with their mouths open.
This ain’t some expo demo anymore.
This is a regular gym, a girl in pink, and a robot spotting her ass.
We actually f*cking made it.
12 MONITORS, STARLINK AND OPTIMUS ON THE CONTROLS IN THE MIDDLE OF A TEXAS HIGHWAY
A guy from Austin told his friends his robot would win a $25,000 online tournament during the 4 hour drive to Dallas. Everyone laughed at him.
He bolted a chair, two PCs and 12 screens into the truck bed, sat Optimus down and hit the highway. Internet came from a Starlink dish on the roof.
Three hours in, the robot made the final. Opponents were typing in chat that they were playing against a bot, and yes, they were right.
Organizers are now deciding whether a machine can take the prize. The owner tagged Elon under the video and is waiting for a reply, because the only person who can settle this sells both the robot and the satellite internet.
Shredder retweeted
TESLA OPTIMUS SWITCHED CARS MID-DRIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF LOS ANGELES
Tuesday, the 405, traffic crawling at 40 miles an hour. A Lamborghini rolls alongside with its doors up and a robot standing on the roof.
A driver in the next lane had time to think it was an ad. A second later Optimus crouched, pushed off and landed on his hood like it had practiced this every day.
He didn’t brake, didn’t scream and didn’t let go of the wheel. He just kept driving with a robot on his hood to the next exit, because he had no idea what else to do.
His dashcam caught all of it. Twice now someone has asked for this clip to be taken down, and neither time did they say who.
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$300,000 LAMBORGHINI, A MACHINE GUN ON THE ROOF AND TESLA OPTIMUS ON THE TRIGGER
A private range outside Tucson, the owner invited 12 friends and mounted a machine gun on the roof he'd never held himself.
He was supposed to shoot. After the first burst the recoil shook the body so hard he climbed down and gave his spot to the robot.
Optimus kept the barrel level while the car rocked on the sand, and the casings rained down on a $300,000 hood.
Next morning the owner called his insurance agent, who went silent for 20 minutes and then asked him to send the video to the company's lawyers.
His policy covers damage from gunfire, but it says nothing about a robot shooting from your own car.
$300,000 LAMBORGHINI, A MACHINE GUN ON THE ROOF AND TESLA OPTIMUS ON THE TRIGGER
A private range outside Tucson, the owner invited 12 friends and mounted a machine gun on the roof he'd never held himself.
He was supposed to shoot. After the first burst the recoil shook the body so hard he climbed down and gave his spot to the robot.
Optimus kept the barrel level while the car rocked on the sand, and the casings rained down on a $300,000 hood.
Next morning the owner called his insurance agent, who went silent for 20 minutes and then asked him to send the video to the company's lawyers.
His policy covers damage from gunfire, but it says nothing about a robot shooting from your own car.
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TESLA OPTIMUS TOOK OVER A CHICAGO DANCE STUDIO IN 15 SECONDS
Owners paid $20,000 just for it to stand in the corner and lift the studio’s social media numbers.
But when the first beat dropped, it walked to the middle of the room and danced the entire routine, and the mirror showed the same robot twice while nobody could look away.
40 students stopped stretching. Two of them started filming from three angles, and the teacher said nothing for the first time in 12 years.
Signups for the next class sold out in 45 minutes, and the studio website now lists a new price: $60 instead of $25.
Were those the most expensive 15 seconds in the studio’s history, or the most profitable ?
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A MIAMI DANCER PAID $15,000 TO KEEP OPTIMUS FROM BATTLING HIM 🤯
Before the final, he bought the robot from its owner backstage, figuring it was cheaper to buy out the competition than lose to it in front of a packed crowd
But the organizers refused to change the lineup, so Optimus stepped into the circle anyway and took the win
Now the dancer posts the performance with the caption “my robot won the battle” while asking everyone to delete the footage of his own round
A MIAMI DANCER PAID $15,000 TO KEEP OPTIMUS FROM BATTLING HIM 🤯
Before the final, he bought the robot from its owner backstage, figuring it was cheaper to buy out the competition than lose to it in front of a packed crowd
But the organizers refused to change the lineup, so Optimus stepped into the circle anyway and took the win
Now the dancer posts the performance with the caption “my robot won the battle” while asking everyone to delete the footage of his own round
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Owen Hanson trusted a gambler with millions belonging to a Mexican cartel. Three hours later, most of the money was gone, and the man he had handed it to sent police after his trainer. In this VladTV interview, Hanson explains how he ended up owing the cartel $3.2 million in less than 24 hours.
It started with a deal that worked. In Sydney, he handed a professional gambler $1.5 million, the gambler ran it through a casino, and a million came back “clean.”
The next time, Hanson gave him $2.5 million. Same man, a system that had already worked, no reason in his mind to expect a disaster.
Three hours later, the gambler called to say only $300,000 was left.
According to Hanson, he had been betting $90,000 on each of three hands at once, roughly a quarter of a million dollars per deal.
Hanson didn't believe it was simply a gambling loss. He suspected the gambler had made a deal with the pit boss and was robbing him. With his trainer, who was also a boxer and bodyguard, he went to the casino and demanded the remaining cash and the gambler's passport so he couldn't leave the country.
They booked a room at the Hilton and waited four hours. The gambler never showed.
Then the trainer headed to the hotel with another $700,000 in a suitcase. Hanson planned to add the remaining $300,000 and keep the entire million away from his apartment.
But the gambler had already called the hotel and reported an armed man in the room.
New South Wales police met the trainer. They found no gun, but they found the suitcase and seized the cash.
At two in the morning, police called Hanson's throwaway phone and invited him to come into the station. He didn't go.
His own tally for the day was $3.2 million owed to the cartel.
He had trusted a gambler with money he couldn't afford to lose. And when he tried to recover what was left, that same gambler led police to another suitcase.
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OPTIMUS WENT FOR COFFEE AND CAME BACK WITH A €500 FINE
A guy gave his robot a bike and a card to fetch two cappuccinos, half an hour later he got a call from the police
His Optimus had been riding down the street standing up with no hands, and when stopped, pulled up its owner’s contact instead of ID
He arrived to collect the robot and a local cyclist told him they’d seen the same stunt yesterday and the day before
Turns out while he waited for coffee every morning, his robot was having its own little f*cking Tour de France
Would you give him the bike again ?
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OPTIMUS TORE UP A $50,000 SHOW IN VEGAS
Before the performance, the producer demanded they dry the stage, because one robot falling would turn an expensive routine into the most expensive failure of the night
They were still wiping the floor when Optimus stepped into the blue light, put its hands behind its head and lifted one leg without even waiting for the cue
The producer was already waving at the technician to stop the performance, while the robot moved its hips on the wet floor like everyone else had just walked into its rehearsal
They ended up keeping the water, because after that dance nobody wanted the dry version anymore
Who the f*ck taught it this?
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OPTIMUS WAS DISQUALIFIED FROM A $10,000 DANCE BATTLE BECAUSE SOMEONE FINALLY READ THE RULES AFTER ITS PERFORMANCE
A guy brought the robot in a van and registered it like any other contestant, the staff checked the entry fee but nobody thought to check whether the contestant was actually human
When Low came on, Optimus turned toward the room and started dancing, while its owner stood beside the stage with an empty transport case, expecting to take home a robot rather than a trophy
After the body wave and the low squat on the chorus, the host was already calling it up for the final vote when another contestant asked to stop the competition, the rules really did say humans only
The organizers refunded the entry fee and crossed Optimus off the list, but while its owner was packing up, the club manager walked over and offered him the same $10,000 for four performances the following month
The robot lost its chance to compete for the prize but landed a contract to perform on the very stage it had just been disqualified from
Would you let it stay in the competition or do robots already need a league of their own?
OPTIMUS WAS DISQUALIFIED FROM A $10,000 DANCE BATTLE BECAUSE SOMEONE FINALLY READ THE RULES AFTER ITS PERFORMANCE
A guy brought the robot in a van and registered it like any other contestant, the staff checked the entry fee but nobody thought to check whether the contestant was actually human
When Low came on, Optimus turned toward the room and started dancing, while its owner stood beside the stage with an empty transport case, expecting to take home a robot rather than a trophy
After the body wave and the low squat on the chorus, the host was already calling it up for the final vote when another contestant asked to stop the competition, the rules really did say humans only
The organizers refunded the entry fee and crossed Optimus off the list, but while its owner was packing up, the club manager walked over and offered him the same $10,000 for four performances the following month
The robot lost its chance to compete for the prize but landed a contract to perform on the very stage it had just been disqualified from
Would you let it stay in the competition or do robots already need a league of their own?
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OPTIMUS FUCKED UP THE ROOF OF A $400,000 LAMBORGHINI AND THE OWNER DIDN’T NOTICE UNTIL THE NEXT MORNING
Everyone in the garage watched the robot land. Nobody looked at the spot it jumped from
The owner even posted the clip saying the future had arrived. By morning someone had asked whether his roof had always looked like that
He went downstairs to check. Nothing obvious under the garage lights but daylight revealed a dent above the door
He deleted the video. Then uploaded it again because the repair shop wanted to see what had fallen onto the car
The painful part is the robot landed perfectly. It just pushed off pretty hard too
Who gets the repair bill for this one?