Matt Kramer 🌙

if you think your phone is always listening to you, just wait until you find out what the Universe is doing

you're really starting to grind my buffalo bro

The secret is not giving up

the ideal man in the modern world is: - not a feminist - not a misogynist

*James Bond voice* rosemary sourdough. toasted, with butter.

There was a girl in my elementary school who had a black belt in karate and I’m only just now realizing she probably wasn’t very dangerous

wow that dog is weird I bet it looks at a tennis ball and thinks “game on 😼”

Sign of the times

Why it’s so important if you have a cool leather jacket to make friends with other people who understand

Mommmmm can you pick me up from modern world the girls aren’t submissive enough they’re not letting me lead them

apparently there’s a sports team called “ the Wizards ” but what they do on the court is not magic

We’re not on planet earth to be invincible we’re here to be cracked open and filled with love anyways even—especially—when we don’t think we deserve it

I think we underestimate how much things have always been exactly the same

"To all the people in my life who talked a good game but couldn't show up - Fuck you. And thank you for motivating me." —Lana Del Rey

I miss when movies sucked but were good

this is us

possibly the best advice that has ever been given

wake up babe the new Matt Kramer just dropped

I'm so tired of "woe is me" coming from people who have had materially better lives than basically 99.9999% of humans in recorded and unrecorded history. Like please just listen to Moonlight Sonata or wander the spice aisle and weep with gratitude a little

your annual reminder that the perfect tweet exists

you and what army oh that's a nice army