days (@Dayscd) header
days (@Dayscd) profile picture

days

@Dayscd

25 year old comedian from Minnesota the state @vdays

 Minneapolis, MN
youtube.com/daysffas
Joined December 2014
  • Tweets26.2K
  • Following1.8K
  • Followers11.6K
worst day of my fucking life
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DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) profile pictureDiscussingFilm
@DiscussingFilm17 May 2024
Young Sheldon has ended.
Image from DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm)
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A man is diagnosed w/ mental health. His mental health doctor tells him to watch Ted Lasso. "But doctor...I am Jason Sudeckis (da guy who plays Ted)." Da doctor is confused. "I thought you had a mustache." "No it is a fake mustache for my character." Then da doctor ODs on purpose
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Tough as snails
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I been eatin straight dog food from the can I don’t give a fuck about anything
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I don’t know why ppl say ‘Tough as snails’ snails are not tough. I eat them with little to no resistance, with my teeth.
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It’s a nice idea but it’s making me hungry and I am nowhere near the museum. They have no solution for people in my situation
Pubity (@pubity) profile picturePubity
@pubityNov 9
George Lucas and his wife Mellody Hobson sell grilled cheese sandwiches at $2 in their museum so no visitor goes hungry. Hobson grew up poor and unable to afford items on school field trips, so she made sure no kid would have to go through the same.
Image from Pubity (@pubity)
Image from Pubity (@pubity)
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Oh James “Gunn” has been “fired”? What next, are they going to hire Bob Sword to “slash” the budgets???
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days retweeted
jill (@littlefucky) profile picture
jill@littlefuckyNov 10
A new film by @mera_angelgirl and I. Please enjoy….
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Coworker Jerry: *raising his voice to get entire office’s attention* Hey everyone!*pulling his pants all the way down* Haha! Gotcha! 😋 Me: Jerry you sly dog 😂 *thinking im tweeting from my burner but texting my wife instead* That one male friend you have sexual tension with
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days (@Dayscd) profile picture
days@Dayscd2 Nov 2025
[The Hugging Cop] Freeze! Put your hands behind my back!
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Zoophiles fav food is probably Animal Cracker, probably. I wouldn’t know. But probably.
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Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Doctor says: “Treatment is simple. Famous clown, Pagliacci, is performing tonight. Boil him. Pagliacci soup is the cure.
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Love him or hate him, SpongeBob is friend with Patrick so if you wanna watch the show he’s gonna be there. sorry.
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He’s hell…
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Oh this dent in my head? (leaning in and whispering) I F. E. Double Hockey Stick
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This man’s retired FBI, good luck getting him back. Even for one mission. Unless you can send one guy to his house to ask him
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Legoland toilets just regular toilets. Not made of legos. Glazed ceramic. Asked employee where I could find Lego toilets: “unfortunately the toilets are all normal.” Literally what the fuck did I pay $90 for? I don’t feel like a Lego.
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No drugs or weapons. Go fish officer
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What the fuck is this guy talking about???
Image from days (@Dayscd)
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It’s my wedding day if I want to wear a dog crap on my head I fucking will.
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Wearing a dog turd as a hat at my own wedding
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