Dog

For those of you new here, I'm a brave, loyal, dutiful farm German shepherd dog who protects his pack, his farm, and then myself. I fear nothing, not even thunder and suspicious plastic bags. I want to eat all the things. Tweeting the world through a dog's perspective.

A morning in the life of a farm dog: Wake up. Luxorious dog stretch Stare at mom for any signs of waking up intently. Whine a little bit, wake her up. remind her it is pee o'clock. Check food dish to make sure it didn't magically refill overnight. Let outside to check on the chipmunks and the pole I treed a raccoon on one time. Back in, remind me I an owed a morning milkbone. Whine a bit more, it's breakfast time and it's already late. Eat breakfast. Get morning pets. go outside to start farm duty. /fin

Had enough pets. Human kept petting. Annoying. Got up and left.

Bears will have to start pulling guard duty.

Some people passing by said I was a gorgeous dog. My human said: “Thanks, made him myself.” Everyone thought this was funny. Calculating bite priority...

She is his job now.

I HAVE DONE IT. I caught a squirrel. This is the proudest moment of my life. I don't know why mom is yelling at me to drop it. Insane human.

The hottest, smoothest ride in Yellowstone National Park.

Your move, sir.

I high jumped onto the dinner table from a complete standstill. Instead of admiring my athletic prowess, the humans punished me. Unfair.

Someone accused me of being a Velcro-dog. I have no idea what that is. I would probably bite it.

I am registered as a lethal weapon. A fur missile.

Before you threaten my pack, make sure you are right with Jesus.

Moose presumed dead by authorities. RIP you swamp deer. You will be missed.

Supper served 7 minutes late. Unacceptable. I'd like to speak to the manager.

Stared lovingly into my human’s eyes let him believe we had a moment then stole his piece of toast

I'm on the bed with my human. They are doing those long, slow pets down my entire body. Fully prepared to die like this.

Authorities and #AnimalTwt are increasingly concerned about @mooseincrisis . He is feared to have had a drunken accident or @bearlyable2 finally was able to catch him. Do not approach him, though - he's kind of a temperamental beast.

Whatever I pee on, I legally own. I'm basically a canine Elon Musk now.